Ah yes... I had such great intentions. It was a rainy day here in the burgh. Why not go to story time with the boys? James loves that kind of stuff and I thought it would be a fun activity that would get us out of the house where we had a painter working in our playroom.
Here are the boys before the story began. Don't they look so cute sitting on this bench? That lasted for about ten seconds... just long enough for me to snap a picture... and then they were done.
Ethan only wanted to rip books off the shelves and push them around on his hands and James only wanted to sit on my lap, which was not going to happen since I was chasing Ethan around desperately trying to clean up the mess in his wake. Therefore James decided just to lay all over the floor in his act of defiance. Of course story time was packed and all of the other children were sitting nicely on the benches listening intently and answering the story lady's questions. We made it halfway through book #2 and I had to grab my boys and scurry out of there with my head tucked down while the other parents looked at me with looks that seemed to say, "Oh, I feel so sorry for her." Or, "Glad that's not my children." They may not have been thinking this at all. This was only my perception and probably because I have been one of those moms' before... not meaning to judge, but doing it all the same.
You know... for a few minutes I was tempted to be completely mortified. I wanted to tuck my tail between my legs and run out of there and never come back. They must think that I never take my children anywhere and they don't know how to behave and I must not discipline enough or the right way, etc. But then I remembered that I have a one year old and a not yet three year old. Give yourself a break Cara and don't sweat the story hour!
As I was driving down the road I felt like God said to me, "It's okay. You did the right thing. You did what was best for your children in that moment." And I felt peace, just like that. Instead of feeling embarrassed and replaying the scene over and over again in my mind imagining what I could have done differently, I just let it go. There is such freedom in allowing the Spirit to reign in my heart rather than trying to keep up with the worlds standards. Praise God for that. Unfortunately I don't always live by the Spirit, but as a mom of littles I am learning more and more each day how to surrender and let God have the controls.
I'm sure we will make it to another story hour and I will plan to leave Ethan at home! But I have to say that I am thankful for this mishap of a morning because it is teaching me and growing me in the wisdom and grace of my heavenly Father. It is showing me more of His love and in turn helping me to love my boys in all of their "littleness" and imperfections as well.
Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything.
~1 Peter 4:8
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